Once there was a boy who grew up in a small town. There was nothing particularly interesting or special about him, he was much like any other small town boy. He was bright and his parents liked to think of him as the smartest in school. He always tried his best to make his parents proud and accomplish everything they had ever dreamed for him.
He served a mission. He started university. He never really misbehaved and in many ways was the model of the ideal child. His parents often told him how blessed they felt they were to have at least one child they never had to worry about. In short, life had few complaints for their family.
Then something changed. The boy was different, yet not different at all. It was simply a new complication in life. His personality didn't change. He was as kind and considerate as ever. As always, he worked to find every happiness in life for himself just as he was taught at home. In fact his friends would say that even with this change he was the same person he had always been with much the same values he had grown up with. At the same time he was now a complete disappointment to his parents. Though nothing really altered everything was different.
He was once the pride of his parents but he was now their greatest secret. They no longer wanted to hear the details of his life. The new events in his life that made him the most happy were the very things his family didn't want to know about. He wasn't a horrible person. He never drank nor smoked, never dabbled in drugs. To the outside observer he was the typical church going type. However, his family simply didn't want to know him so closely anymore.
What was this secret? Is it the most horrible tragedy that has ever befallen mankind? Is it the world's worst path of life? Some monster that must be tackled for any happiness to follow at all? What secret could be so terrible and so scandalous that a family would turn their back on their son? He was gay.
That's it. The only part of his life that changed was that instead of dreaming of a girl to share his life with he dreamed of a man. Every other solitary detail was exactly the same as when he was that innocent boy in the small town. Sure, he now preferred the hustle of the city, but his heart would always be home. But that was still enough for him to be cast away from his family. By doing so he was forced to keep massive secrets from them. So many things were moving forward for him, but they didn't care. When he would muster up the courage to talk to them, they called his life "the beginning of an end" and cried tears of loss on his behalf. He would then cry his own tears of loss at the thought of slowly losing those who were meant to show unconditional love.
He knew they didn't believe this was right, but he had always hoped they would at least try to accept him and support him in whatever ways they could. Instead it seemed like the only answer would be to add distance, something he never wanted to do.
The only thing that kept him moving was his peace of mind. For too many years he had struggled with these feelings and they had caused major depression and thoughts of suicide. Now that he had chosen to deal with everything instead of ignoring it or lying he was at last truly happy. He felt like himself, something he hadn't felt in a long time.
Something has changed within me, something is not the same,
I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game.
Too late for second guessing, too late to go back to sleep,
It's time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap. . .
I'm through accepting limits 'cause someone says they're so.
Some things I cannot change, but till I try I'll never know.
Too long I've been afraid of losing love I guess I've lost.
Well, if that's love, it comes at much too high a cost. . .
- Stephen Schwartz
No other words could really describe his feelings. He didn't feel sorry for the things he had done, but only wished he could find some way to remain close to those he loved so dearly. He had only ever told them about everything to avoid secrets. He so desired an open relationship with his parents. He never saw any reason why the lying had to continue. But instead of creating honesty more secrets have arisen. Secrets from mother to son, from brother to sister, between coworkers and friends. A web of secrecy is now spread over the family.
Regardless, he moves forward. He wants to change others' perception of who and what he is and what the real pain of homosexuality is. Each day is new, full of hope and he never looks back. He has never been happier in his life and only wishes to share his story and experiences with others to help them understand that some people can't do what others have done and stay happy. Normal marriage isn't a viable option, neither is celibacy. But he wants the world to understand that no one option is right for every person and to let others in his situation know that it gets better and that they are far from alone. Take pride in your life and know that, so long as you can still feel God's love for you, that can be the only one that matters.
Please feel free to share this link, any advice, or any questions. It's time for things to be an open book. No more secrets.
