Back to School

So here we are, back to school and just a few weeks into the semester.  At least for most people.  This is my final year of school and I can openly admit that I already find myself saying each Monday morning "Three weeks down - twelve to go".  Is this a bad sign?  I'll assume not until further notice.

One thing great about school, though, is getting to see all my friends again.  I love the weirdos I get to associate with!  It doesn't make me feel normal, per se, but I do feel less conspicuous around them.  Just last night we got together just to share cheesecake and ended up laughing hysterically on the floor for hours.  It was epic!

Contrary to what has been my norm for the last few years, I actually do not have very many music classes this semester.  I don't know what to make of that.  One of my few music courses is Orchestration, something I find fascinating.  I've really been getting excited for our assignments in this class so I can play around a bit with writing for specific instruments besides piano and voice.  We're not allowed tons of creativity (i.e. this is not an arrangement class, purely orchestration) but that's okay with me since I'm still learning a lot.

This is my "final" draft of our first assignment.  It's the opening segment of Edvard Grieg's Elfin Dance for string ensemble.  I didn't do anything over the top, but I didn't really want to.  I kind of like the lightness this has.  Anyways, let me know what you think.

Elfin Dance - Edvard Grieg (String Arr.)

Also, in regards to my last post, I still would really love some stories or other such ideas from other people to help me write the libretto for my increasingly pipe dream-esque musical.  Don't want to seem pushy, just want to make a pleasant reminder.  That is all. :)

Book & Blog

It's hard to believe sometimes that summers are never quite so long as you would like them to be.  In some ways I'm excited because the closer the school year comes the closer I am to finally being a college graduate.  But in others I wish it could continue indefinitely.

At least I can't really say I haven't done anything interesting this summer.  It's not often that you have a group of friends willing to do highly unusual activities in public, such as going to movies in your work clothes (it doesn't sound weird, but when you consider I work at a pioneer park it raises the peculiar factor of it all a few degrees).  The only thing I wish I could do more of is write music, but with a computer completely down and an overarching laziness that makes me unlikely to notate the good old-fashioned way, it doesn't really happen.

And so instead I guess I should probably start trying to actually write the book/libretto (music training in me begs that use the formal word) of my musical.  Not that I'm so far advanced in writing the music, but that I should at least get an idea of the sequence of events so that I can figure out where musical numbers should be placed.  Mostly the show, PRIDE, is going to be loosely inspired off events in my life since I'm only ever good at retelling and satirising true stories.

Speaking of stories, does anyone have a story in their life when you didn't feel as though you were being true to yourself or had lost all confidence in you or your abilities?  I would love some input and other ideas to possibly incorporate into the book.  Granted I don't actually know how many people actually read my blog.  I feel a little like Amy Adams in Julie & Julia when she wonders what her audience really is on her blog.  Am I currently watching that show?  Yes.  Does it make me want to cook and blog?  Very much so.  Anyway, comment or email or what have you if you want to help at all.  Maybe here in the future I can even post rough drafts of the script! ;)

The Power of Friends

Sometimes I feel like I have the most active social life when I'm sitting at home alone on the 4th of July because the person I thought I had plans with told me otherwise with one days' notice.  Ever have that happen?  Don't get me wrong, I have lots of friends, but when you have not much time it's hard to make much plan (yes, I know how that sounds). I decided to at least be a little productive and actually post at least twice in a single summer month!  Look at me being all wise with my time (I say after having just turned off Food Network following a three hour stint)!

To those who actually read and comment on things, that really helps me out a great deal.  Obviously if my goal is to write a musical, even if it never hits broadway, I want to at least know what people are thinking of the rough drafts I develop.  I still wish I could actually get some live recordings with vocals of some of this stuff so it's not all so lackluster, but c'est la vie ("La vie!" :))

Earlier in March I posted a rough draft of a song I named "Call Me" from this same musical Pride I've been working on.  I finally got around to playing around with some ideas for lyrics.  I mentioned in the original post that the song idea and melody came to me when I was half asleep, well that included lyrics as well.  Unfortunately even the next morning I forgot nearly all the lyrics that had come to my head.  They may not have even been that interesting anyway - I was half unconscious at the time, for crying out loud!  The only things that stuck were the first two lines of the chorus, which is why they repeat.  Keep in mind also that this is a rough draft, so don't be too harsh.

One thing I've noticed is that I'm not that good at creating stories (unless they're stories like Lewis Carroll would write, because I'm really good at nonsense stories - maybe one day I'll post "The Adventures of the Peach and the Apricot"), however I'm decent at satirizing my own life or reworking experiences I am highly familiar with.  Lyrics sort of follow the same suit.  This is one reason why it can be hard for me to share things because, when it comes to stuff for this show, it's automatically kind of personal.  I just want to help others out from the things that I've learned, and this song is meant to give the sort of advice I received from many great friends in my life.

When life hits us hard we often just see all the bad.
It leaves us so frightened, bitter, so angry and sad.
Sometimes when that hits
It's easy to give up,
To throw in the towel,
But, buddy, please don't shut me out.
I'm reaching out.

Call me, call me when the sun goes down.
Call me, call me when the lights go out.
I know you're feeling alone,
You're feeling lost and depressed,
Just know I'm here by your side
And that I'll never rest
To see you safely home.
No, you're not alone.

I've watched you so long, I've seen you have courage, be strong.
To see you like this, I have to admit - it seems wrong.
What happened to joy?
What happened to laughter?
Denying yourself,
Ignoring our pleas and our shouts,
Please just reach out.

Call me, call me when the sun goes down.
Call me, call me when the lights go out.
I know you're feeling alone,
But that's so far from what's real.
You have your friends by your side,
And if you'll just kneel
And ask Him for that peace,
You'll feel that happy release.

Call me, I'll be there by your side.
Never surrender.
Keep smiling through.
Call me.


These are a few pictures of some of my amazing friends who have given this sort of advice to me in the last couple of years.  Yes, I'm aware the pictures aren't the greatest, but I suppose that can also protect the identities of the innocent! :)

July Already?

I know I have so many avid readers that were sitting around wondering in their spare time "I wonder why Jordan hasn't really posted anything lately" and becoming very concerned.

Now that I've put my lame attempt at ego to rest, I will still apologise that I haven't tried hard enough to keep writing.  One of the reasons I started blogging was to push myself to write and produce things more frequently and actually get working on all the projects I've been making for myself, and yet that hasn't happened.  Oh, well.  At least I'm trying to get on it now.

You always tell yourself that summer will be the time that you will work on all the things you don't have time for during the school year, and yet I personally get so busy during the summer that I don't want to spend my free time doing anything except lying on a couch and vegging out after work.  I can't complain though since I love my summer job and wouldn't rather be doing anything else!

So here's something very rough I put together tonight.  I found I had some free time and finished plucking out a crude melody and accompaniment on the piano and just wanted to see what some of you thought of it.  It's going in the show "Pride" I think I mentioned in an earlier blog post and will be sung by the female lead to the male lead who is offstage.  After some tweaks I think it will be pretty good.  Thoughts?  Musings?  Concerns?  Awkward moments to comment about? :)

Someone to Watch Over You

No More Secrets

Once there was a boy who grew up in a small town.  There was nothing particularly interesting or special about him, he was much like any other small town boy.  He was bright and his parents liked to think of him as the smartest in school.  He always tried his best to make his parents proud and accomplish everything they had ever dreamed for him.

He served a mission.  He started university.  He never really misbehaved and in many ways was the model of the ideal child.  His parents often told him how blessed they felt they were to have at least one child they never had to worry about.  In short, life had few complaints for their family.

Then something changed.  The boy was different, yet not different at all.  It was simply a new complication in life.  His personality didn't change.  He was as kind and considerate as ever.  As always, he worked to find every happiness in life for himself just as he was taught at home.  In fact his friends would say that even with this change he was the same person he had always been with much the same values he had grown up with.  At the same time he was now a complete disappointment to his parents.  Though nothing really altered everything was different.

He was once the pride of his parents but he was now their greatest secret.  They no longer wanted to hear the details of his life.  The new events in his life that made him the most happy were the very things his family didn't want to know about.  He wasn't a horrible person.  He never drank nor smoked, never dabbled in drugs.  To the outside observer he was the typical church going type.  However, his family simply didn't want to know him so closely anymore.

What was this secret?  Is it the most horrible tragedy that has ever befallen mankind?  Is it the world's worst path of life?  Some monster that must be tackled for any happiness to follow at all?  What secret could be so terrible and so scandalous that a family would turn their back on their son?  He was gay.

That's it.  The only part of his life that changed was that instead of dreaming of a girl to share his life with he dreamed of a man.  Every other solitary detail was exactly the same as when he was that innocent boy in the small town.  Sure, he now preferred the hustle of the city, but his heart would always be home.  But that was still enough for him to be cast away from his family.  By doing so he was forced to keep massive secrets from them.  So many things were moving forward for him, but they didn't care.  When he would muster up the courage to talk to them, they called his life "the beginning of an end" and cried tears of loss on his behalf.  He would then cry his own tears of loss at the thought of slowly losing those who were meant to show unconditional love.

He knew they didn't believe this was right, but he had always hoped they would at least try to accept him and support him in whatever ways they could.  Instead it seemed like the only answer would be to add distance, something he never wanted to do.

The only thing that kept him moving was his peace of mind.  For too many years he had struggled with these feelings and they had caused major depression and thoughts of suicide.  Now that he had chosen to deal with everything instead of ignoring it or lying he was at last truly happy.  He felt like himself, something he hadn't felt in a long time.

Something has changed within me, something is not the same,
I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game.
Too late for second guessing, too late to go back to sleep,
It's time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap. . .

I'm through accepting limits 'cause someone says they're so.
Some things I cannot change, but till I try I'll never know.
Too long I've been afraid of losing love I guess I've lost.
Well, if that's love, it comes at much too high a cost. . .

- Stephen Schwartz

No other words could really describe his feelings.  He didn't feel sorry for the things he had done, but only wished he could find some way to remain close to those he loved so dearly.  He had only ever told them about everything to avoid secrets.  He so desired an open relationship with his parents.  He never saw any reason why the lying had to continue.  But instead of creating honesty more secrets have arisen.  Secrets from mother to son, from brother to sister, between coworkers and friends.  A web of secrecy is now spread over the family.

Regardless, he moves forward.  He wants to change others' perception of who and what he is and what the real pain of homosexuality is.  Each day is new, full of hope and he never looks back.  He has never been happier in his life and only wishes to share his story and experiences with others to help them understand that some people can't do what others have done and stay happy.  Normal marriage isn't a viable option, neither is celibacy.  But he wants the world to understand that no one option is right for every person and to let others in his situation know that it gets better and that they are far from alone.  Take pride in your life and know that, so long as you can still feel God's love for you, that can be the only one that matters.

Please feel free to share this link, any advice, or any questions.  It's time for things to be an open book.  No more secrets.

I Finally Finished!

Somehow, at long last, after a very long week I've finished another song!  It only took me a month to finish a new piece.  Why would this take me that long?  I wrote the first two-thirds in two days.  Whatever.

How long a week, you ask?  It's no big deal.  Not like it's the second to last week of the semester and suddenly every project is due in every class.  Can't tell you how much I enjoy that.  Probably about as much as I enjoy placing a spider on my face.  Nah, that's a little harsh, maybe just gnawing off a limb.

Now all of that is done and I can focus my attentions on other things.  This isn't necessarily one of the most important things I could accomplish right now, but I'm still happy!

Again, if there is anyone reading willing to help me out so I could have a proper live recording of something I would owe you so much - like cookies or something...  If you want to read the lyrics so you know what's going on, feel free.

If I should die

Love/Hate Relationship

So I'm sitting here at my computer with every intention of doing some homework, and yet here I am blogging instead.  Odd how that happens.

This month so far has been incredibly busy.  Our choir, the USU Chamber Singers, just did a recording for two albums last week (which will be phenomenal, by the way) and that is exhausting work.  Unless you've recorded a professional quality CD before you don't realise just how many hours it takes to lay down a handful of tracks.  The end result will be totally worth it, but I was sick of doing take after take after take.

At this time, I'm finding myself less than two weeks away from my junior recital.  I've discovered with this, and some related events transpiring, that I have a deep love/hate relationship with planning events.  I absolutely love hosting any sort of event, be it a party, games, social, ceremony, what have you.  I get such a kick from being a host, but I also get a little incredibly stressed worrying that I may have forgotten something.  If you know me, you will agree that I always, and I do mean always, forget something - especially while travelling.  No matter what I feel like something has slipped my mind but I can't remember what it was.  That feeling increases ten-fold while planning things.  It's annoying.

So it is that, amid all this potential stress welling up inside me, I blog.  I don't actually have any new songs completed, but I'm nearly finished with a new choral piece.  I'm really getting tired of posting MIDI files on here, so if there is anyone reading willing to do some sight-reading and give a guy a hand I would be much obliged.  At the very least, I can share the lyrics that go with said song.  I really like them and they actually came from my heart (I hate writing lyrics because they always feel forced - not this time!).

If I should die tomorrow, please hold me one last time,

Let me feel your arms around me, your heart beat close to mine.

Do not fear for me, my love, mine is not the cause to mourn.

All I ask is that you live your life, our life, as bravely as before.

Walk the paths that we have trod, see the sun arise each day,

Hear the music now surround you, smell the breezes swift and gay.

Do not weep for me, my love, mine is not a fate to fear.

Promise me you'll savour every day for I will always be there.

That music, my music, will never leave your side,

For I've already claimed a spot as your angel and it is there I'll ever abide.

Nothing else incredibly important nor humourous to say, but I think that will suffice.  Happy Almost-the-End-of-the-Semester, everyone!